Call

I don't desire to be dramatic about what's happened here. I fear, too, many have romanticized the call to ministry. "I'm going to touch lives and God is going to use me to do great things!" I totally get that and I don't judge that or think I know better than to feel or say those things myself. However, the call isn't a call to a greater platform or place of glorification in ourselves. It's a call to death! It means...I must die to carry out that which Christ has called me to! That doesn't sounds as fun.

I felt God was leading me to get baptized this past weekend at a Ladies Retreat in Pigeon Forge. I really did not want to do that. I even questioned my own self. Are you doing this to get attention? Are you doing this to seem super spiritual? When it came down to it...I knew what this meant. It meant I was going to finally, truly, acknowledge what God was calling me to. Death. Death to me. So, I did it. I was terrified. Not just the preaching part...but let's be honest...like everyone else...I certainly don't feel adequate. I listened to the line up of dynamic speakers/preachers at this Ladies Event and questioned why in the world I would want to jump in to a group of women who I could never be like. All that insecure stuff. I was terrified of what all of this meant. It hurts to put to death who you know yourself to be. It's not fun to think about the refining and the maturing you must go through to become what He's called you to be.